Heres to Riding the Roller Coaster That is Life

Just like the Frank Ocean song, a feeling that I’ve been going through over the last couple of months is lead-astray. I look at my people my age getting married, finding a career, and being so sure of themselves. 
When I graduated college, I was motivated to be better and be ambitious. Over the numerous internships that have led nowhere and the many interviews that have done the same, I lost a lot of the drive I once had.  
    My outlook on life has also changed in the last couple of months cause I feel like life is fleeting. I realized I am at best when traveling and sharing my travels with others. I wish I could tell my 12-year-old self that you’d be okay and that it's okay not to have it together. 
    A little story about me is that I struggle with self-confidence daily. I often wonder if society never existed in my adolescence and would have the same mental battles. I have fought in my head daily on why I’m not confident to do this or that. My trust in people to be excellent has always been a fine line. The only real things that let me smile are my books and faith in God.  
    I don’t talk about faith with many people, but I know my relationship with God is uniquely my own. God has always been the one constant thing in my life. When the roads get windy, God is always the person to make it straight again. Listening to Jack Hibbs every Sunday puts my life into a positive perspective. I often think how a person doesn’t believe that there's a more significant being out there guiding you through the toughness of life. 
    Romance and manga have always had a special place in my life. Stories, an alternate reality, have always been my escape. I want a creative job because it revolves around a story. The world is made up of stories. Each new book, new tv series, new movie, and new anime all have one thing in common. 
    I stand here today saying I don’t know what I’m doing in life, and every time someone asks, It conquers so many unfelt emotions. One actual conclusion I’ve come to is to push myself out of my comfort zone. I admit that I’ve become complacent in life with being a hermit who does work from home. I just don’t want to look back at my 20s and be filled with regret. 
    Tiktok taught me that I’m not alone in life. I feel like my generation is extraordinarily extroverted and a hermit, like me. I hope I find a passion for being 100% confident in my life. I’ve been indecisive, and my greatest fear is failure.

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